I’ve come to believe that Agapaō love is best understood as the treasuring of someone, something, or some idea in such a way that it draws us toward connection, identification, and relational union. It is a love so profound that we are willing to do whatever is needed to gain and preserve the relationship we seek with that which we cherish. It is not defined by sacrifice or unconditionality, but by volitional treasuring—a desire to be known by and united with what we value most.
Why I Believe This
1. It Fits Every Use of Agapaō in Scripture
Agapaō is used to describe both godly and ungodly desires—revealing that its essence is not moral virtue, but what we choose to treasure.
- God’s love for the Son: “For the Father loves (agapaō) the Son and shows Him all He does…” —John 5:20 This is relational treasuring, not abstract sacrifice.
- God’s love for us: “But God loves (agapaō) you and has chosen you…” —2 Thessalonians 2:16 Again, this is about relational intent and identification.
- Ungodly love: “Men loved (agapaō) darkness rather than light…” —John 3:19 “They loved (agapaō) the praise of men more than the praise of God.” —John 12:43 These passages show that agapaō is not inherently noble—it reflects what we treasure, rightly or wrongly.
2. It Aligns with Biblical Theology
- God acts according to His Name and glory: “For my own sake… I will not give my glory to another.” —Isaiah 48:11 God treasures His own nature and acts in perfect alignment with it.
- Jesus’ teachings on desire and gain: “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field… in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” —Matthew 13:44 Sacrifice is not the definition of love—it is the result of treasuring, of gaining what one treasures more.
- Paul’s teaching on love and profit: “If I give all I possess to the poor… but do not have love, I gain nothing.” —1 Corinthians 13:3 Even sacrificial acts are empty without authentic relational treasuring.
Agapaō in the World Around Us
We see agapaō at work when people sacrifice time, money, and relationships to attain what they treasure—whether it’s a position, achievement, or cause. We also see it in those who lay down their lives for others. As Jesus said:
“Greater love (agapē) has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” —John 15:13
This is not about abstract virtue—it is the ultimate expression of treasuring someone enough to be identified with them, even unto death.
Misguided Agapaō and the Loss of True Relationship
Sometimes what we claim to treasure and what we actually treasure are not the same. We may sacrifice the relationship Christ made available to us with God and one another in pursuit of what we think is godly—our ministry, our moral authority, our vision for others.
But true agapaō is revealed when we allow the Holy Spirit to work within the only person we can surrender: ourselves. When we do this, we find ourselves living within Christ’s agapē—the place where all true relationships of value dwell.
Remaining in Christ’s Agapē
“Whoever abides in love (agapē) abides in God, and God abides in him.” —1 John 4:16
Where Agapaō is what we treasure, Agapē is a treasured relationship. Or rather, the place where true lasting relationships abide.
To remain in Christ’s agapē is to remain in Him. But if we do not agapaō God above all, and do not agapaō others as ourselves, we are not living in His agapē—not because He has rejected us, but because we have chosen to treasure something else more.
Even our calling, our service, or our sense of righteousness can become misplaced agapaō if it replaces our treasuring of God and others.
Phileō as Devoted Manifestation
Phileō is the devoted outworking of our agapaō. It is the giving of ourselves in service to another—not as hired hands, but as those who have chosen to be identified by what we treasure (by what we serve).
“Lord, you know that I love (phileō) you.” —John 21:17 “The Father loves (phileō) the Son…” —John 5:20
Yet our phileō can be misinterpreted. We may act kindly toward others and show affection, yet not truly treasure them. Instead, we may agapaō the idea of our being noble or what we want to accomplish. True phileō flows from authentic agapaō—when we treasure others as ourselves, and invite them into the same transformation we ourselves are undergoing.
Final Thought
Our agapaō reveals what we truly value—godly or not. Our phileō shows how we live out that treasuring. And our agapē is the relational space where those treasures are kept and shared.
When we treasure rightly, we live rightly. And when we allow God to reshape our agapaō, we begin to love not just as servants, but as those who are devoted, identified, and transformed by the One we treasure most.