This writing addresses what I’ve come to see as one of the most devastating misunderstandings in our relationship with God and with one another: the belief that Agapaō love is a sacrificial love defined by one doing what is for the highest good of others.
As noble as that may sound, I’ve come to see that this understanding often leads to our loving what we want to accomplish for God in the lives of others, over that of our loving God. It tempts us to treasure our own sense of nobility—our role as God’s tools—above the actual relationships we’re called to seek. We begin to love our perceived importance in fulfilling a purpose, rather than loving God completely and loving others as ourselves.
In contrast, I’ve come to see that godly Agapaō love is our treasuring of God so deeply that we focus on doing whatever we can to take hold of and remain within the relationship Jesus Christ has made available to us through Himself. Out of that, we seek to encourage others to join us in that relationship—not out of superiority, but out of treasuring them as we treasure ourselves.
While Agapaō love often leads to sacrifice, sacrifice is not its definition. Agapaō is a desire to be connected to what we treasure. It is a desire so deep that we are willing to do whatever it takes to be identified by our relationship with that which we value.
I find another problem with defining Agapaō as doing what is for the highest good of others is it misrepresents what Jesus and the writers of the New Testament actually taught.
Why is it wrong to define Agapaō as a sacrificial love doing what is for the highest good of others?
- It misrepresents God’s character and motives.
God always acts true to Himself. He does all things for His own name and glory.
“For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it… My glory I will not give to another.” — Isaiah 48:11
God’s love for us, His grace and mercy, and His sending of the Son—the One through whom all things were made (John 1:3)—are expressions of His nature. Yes, God treasures us. But He never acts contrary to Himself. His love is not self-negating; it is self-revealing.
“God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8
This is not a love that seeks the highest good of others as its primary aim. It is a love that flows from God’s identity and His desire for relationship. It is based upon God treasuring us so much, on His desire to be our God and for us to be His children, that God did not spare His own Son to make that relationship possible (Romans 8:32).
- It doesn’t align with how Agapaō is used in Scripture.
The New Testament uses Agapaō in contexts that have nothing to do with sacrificial love or the highest good:
- “People loved (agapaō) darkness rather than light…” — John 3:19
- “The Pharisees love (agapaō) the place of honor…” — Luke 11:43
- “Sinners love (agapaō) those who love them…” — Luke 6:32
- “Balaam… loved (agapaō) the wages of unrighteousness.” — 2 Peter 2:15
Even the same verb used to describe God’s love for the world (John 3:16) is used to describe Balaam’s love for personal gain (2 Peter 2:15). Clearly, Agapaō is not inherently noble or sacrificial—it reflects what one treasures, whether good or evil. It is a love that then motivates action to gain or remain connected to what is most valued.
- It distorts how we are called to love God and others.
We are told to love others as ourselves (Matthew 22:39)—not as abstract objects of sacrifice. And we are warned that even great acts of sacrifice, without love, are worthless:
“If I give away all I have… but have not love, I gain nothing.” — 1 Corinthians 13:3
This passage doesn’t equate love with sacrifice—it separates them. Godly love is relational, not merely functional.
When Scripture speaks of why and how we should love, it often points to reward, gain, or mutual benefit—not self-denial:
“Love your enemies… and your reward will be great.” — Luke 6:35
This doesn’t mean godly love is selfish. It means godly love is rooted in awareness—of who God is, and of who we are in Him. Just as God is fully aware of Himself and always acts true to His nature, we are called to love in a way that reflects our identity in Christ.
The Practical Danger of Misdefining Love
When we believe love means doing what is for the highest good of others, we begin to assume our beliefs about what is “good” must be correct. Otherwise, we couldn’t love rightly. For how can I do what is for your highest good unless I know what that is?
This leads to spiritual arrogance. We start treating others as projects, not people—as obstacles to overcome rather than treasures to be gained. Churches fracture. Relationships break. All in the name of “love.”
“Each one should test their own actions… for each one should carry their own load.” — Galatians 6:4–5
When our motivation is to fix others, we stop allowing God to transform the only person we can surrender to Him—ourselves.
Even when we accomplish something good, this kind of love does not benefit us. It inflates the ego. It masks pride as humility. It turns witness into performance. We begin to see sin as a threat to our witness—what we want to accomplish for God—rather than as a rupture in our relationship with God and with others.
“Woe to you… you clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.” — Matthew 23:25
A Personal Witness
In my own life, this misunderstanding led me to treasure what I wanted to accomplish for God and others—more than I treasured God Himself. I claimed humility, giving God the glory for what I believed I was doing in others’ lives. But I wasn’t letting Him continue His work in me.
And while I cared about others, I wasn’t truly concerned about my relationship with them. I cared more about what I wanted to accomplish. I wasn’t being a witness of what God can do in a life—I was trying to be the witness, crafting my life to reflect what I wanted others to see. I was focused on cleaning the outside of the bowl.
“You study the Scriptures diligently… yet you refuse to come to Me to have life.” — John 5:39–40
Then I came to see that true Agapaō is about treasuring God completely—and treasuring others as myself. It is not a strategy. It is a relationship.
To take hold of and remain within the relationship Jesus Christ has made available to us with the Father through Himself—and with one another within Himself—I must allow the Holy Spirit to keep working within the only person I can truly surrender to God: myself.
And now, out of treasuring others as myself, I want to invite and encourage others to do the same.
I cannot speak for others, nor do I claim to speak for God. But for me this change in my thinking about love, and more importantly how I view my relationship with God and the relationship I desire to have with others, has resulted in my coming to know the Fruit of the Spirit growing within me in ways I had never know before. You are a treasure, created in the image of God, my great hope in my interactions with others is to do whatever I can to have an eternal, loving, treasured relationship with you in Christ.
You are a treasure, created in the image of God. My deep hope in every interaction is to do whatever I can to make manifest an eternal, loving, and treasured relationship with you in Christ.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
— John 13:35